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Sunday, February 12, 2006
What Did I Do?
I'm pretty fucked up right now.
I did something really bad on Saturday. I can't get the events out of my head. I'm not ashamed of the events; I'm ashamed of who I did this with. Ther are certain lines that I try not to cross with my friends. Well, I crossed it, stomped on it and laughed at it.
A few years ago, I fell in love for the first time. It was legitamate love, not just a crush. Well, we broke up, but remained friends. We still hang out on a frequent basis and I'm becoming friends with his new boyfriend. Last night, I was at their house for a block party. We got a little sloshed with some friends and by 1:30-ish a.m., there were six of us left. One thing led to another and things happened.
I'm not ashamed of having sex. I try to talk openly about it. There's nothing wrong with it; it's a natural part of life. If we make it taboo and people are ashamed of it, then they're not going to be safe when the time comes because they haven't been properly educated.
So if I'm not ashamed of the sex, then what am I afriad of? My friendships. We crossed a major line. How do I act the next time I see them? I'm freakin' out about this. And now I'm having this rush of feelings again. I thought I was over him, but I guess I'm not. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to do now. I've got a lot of thinking to do. I have a gut feeling this is going to be a long week.
(What Did I Do?)
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